It was November 3, 2010 when I was convinced that I finally had found the one girl that I’ve been looking for. A Relationship. Oh.. been a while since I used that word last. Well today, I found out that there has been nothing. A HARD lesson that I needed to learn, or should’ve learnt along time ago. I tend to start late LOL.
Part of me is really sad to find out about the fact and the other part of me is really glad, cause I finally found the answer to my doubt all along. I said all along, because my gut feeling and my “observation skills” told me so, but my stubborn ass just needed to find out for myself. Am I mad? Angry? A little bit, yes! A lot? Maybe. At this point, I can't tell yet.
This is the email that she wrote to me:
Hi Steve,
You are mad at me for not replying your text message earlier. Seriously I didn't get your text until 7:30... not because I didn't check my phone, simply because my TextFree notification didn't come through until 1 hour and 20 minutes later. I actually wondered why you hadn't called.
I am sorry that I didn't put enough effort into this relationship and I was never focused. I gave a lot of thoughts to things over the weekend, and I decided to make the trip. I know I told you otherwise last week. I was terrified by the thought of losing you then, and I am now. I need to go because I've made the commitment and I have to see it through. I was never the person who would confront my issues. I am usually the run-away one when it comes to making decision and confronting people with the truth. But with you, I want to be 100% absolutely truthful because you mean a lot to me. I didn't choose to be with you because of convenience; I didn't choose to be with you because of boredom; I didn't choose to be with you because I needed companionship. I choose to be with you because of your energy, your bluntness, your wit, our similarities and most importantly our synergies. I guess now you are probably asking me why I still need to go for the trip given everything is wonderful with us. Sorry, I don't have the answer to that question. The only reason I can think of would be - 7 weeks ago I was convinced that I was in love with him and that he was the one. This could be the worst decision in my life, and you will probably never talk to you again. But before I am finishing writing this email, I need you to know that I've given you my true self. I was sincere to you and to myself.
x
At the time, I thought I’ve found what LOVE was, but my wiser friends (Big G and Little T) has told me, its INFATUATION. On my part towards her.
I just proved them RIGHT (dammit guys!! Thanks :) )
But out of all this, now I can say what is the purpose in this thing called LIVE. Where before going through this “fake relationship" aka "non-dairy creamer” it’s something that I’ve always asked myself. Well, now I found the answer to my own question and it feels great and satisfying: TO FIND HAPPY-NESS.
I know boys don’t cry and some of you probably have not even seen my soft side (Unlesss you’re my family, I don’t think you know me or seen me at my best or at my worst). But this girl has made me the happiest man ever and the saddest man ever within the past weeks, where for others probably take years to get to know me at that level. Now that I found out its over….Phew… all I can say is that, the (emotional) rollercoaster has stopped and its time to get off and get onto the next ride. And I should be going off that little wooden ramp and shitty little stairs with big smile on my face for the excitement that I just had and the enthusiasm to pick my next ride, so I would get my money worth it in this trip called LIFE.
Remember peeps, we are not here for a long time, but we are here for a GOOD TIME (which bring us HAPPY-NESS)....
Another thing I would like to add, I'm really glad that I went into this "Theme Park" with a lot of people that are showing me an abundance amount of love and support (not only on this matter/issue). Without all of you (I couldn't even mention all, cause its too much to list) I would be nothing and I would be falling and failing aloong-long time ago. So I would like to thank you for bringing the "gorilla glue", holding the little pieces, and finding the lost ones under the carpet and hold it all together and to keep ME as one defect, but we'll make it work product.
